It's true. When you open a message in Gmail, it's surrounded by ads. And the ads are keyed to the contents of the particular message. I got a message about a local pet shelter having a fundraiser, and the ads around it are for candy to sell at fundraisers, and about other nonprofits that do animal rescue. When I get messages from our jeweler, it's surrounded by messages for engagement rings and discount moissanite.
So today, I got a message from a friend about our wedding planning (Hi, Parachute!), and the ads around it were for:
- wholesale wedding dresses ($112 each!)
- a bunch of other wedding dress sites
- wedding dress photos (a genre that seems pretty limiting to me, but what do I know?)
- AND... Wedding MC Jokes
That ad takes you to the website of Speech-Writers.com, who for a modest fee will give you the scripts you need to get through any social event. In this case, it was the "M.C. (or EMCEE) guide for weddings, anniversaries, dinners, award ceremonies, etc." A $39.94 value! BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!! You'll also get the bonus guide, "How to Deliver a Speech like you're a PRO... even if you're scared to death!"
NOW how much would you pay??? $50? $80? Even more?
NO!!! Both books are yours for the low, low price of $19.97. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!! If you act within the next eight minutes and twelve seconds, they'll throw in a third great bonus, the Wedding Jokes e-book "to add a funny note to your speech. They are tried, tested, and ready to use."
There's just something about the style of this ad that leads me to question the quality of their advice. And of course, there are no sample jokes on the website. I looked at some other sites, though, and found a handful of really jovial little bits:
- Marriage is an educational event. The man loses his bachelor's degree, and the woman gets her master's.
- We're having a three-ring ceremony: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- Love is one long, sweet dream. Marriage is the alarm clock.
Why does this one still make me laugh...?
ReplyDeleteA businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond
ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klopman."
I think it's the name. Klopman.
Did you notice that all the wedding joke sites have a "small penis" category?
So here's a wedding joke.
ReplyDeleteEthel (age 89) and Enos (age 87) fall in love and are set to be married. In preparation for their life ahead, Enos calls the local pharmacy/medical supply shop.
"You guys carry heart medicine there?"
Of course we do, the pharmacist replies.
"And how about stuff for arthritis?"
Certainly.
"Heartburn? Gout? Memory problems?"
Yes indeed.
"How about supplies? You got canes, walkers, hearing aid batteries, stuff like that?"
Of course, we're very well supplied.
"Adult diapers?"
Yes sir.
"How about them little blue pills I hear about? Them Virginia things. We got a honeymoon comin' up."
That's Viagra, sir, and we do indeed have those.
"You do any services? Arrange for taxis, manage appointments, send reminders and stuff?"
In fact, we do. We'd be happy to talk with you about our range of support services.
Enos thanks the pharmacist and hangs up. He turns to Ethel and says, "Well, the bridal registry's all set."