ANNIVERSARY Countdown (Count-Up?)

Today is Friday, March 7th, 2014. We were married 986 days ago, on June 25th, 2011.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

What Shall the Bride Wear??

One of Nora's friends in Middletown Springs once asked her why she wore so much black.  She replied that it was an East Village kind of thing.  "Huh?" replied her pal.  "Oh, that's my old neighborhood in New York.  Black clothes are kind of a uniform there."  And then her friend said the words that still warm her heart to this day.,, "But you're not a New Yorker anymore."

Those of you who already know Nora know that she's not a Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera sappy romantic.  So the wedding-cake bridal dress isn't exactly her speed.  And a veil??  Puh-LEEEZE.  She wears bold clothes, loves things that are an expression of their maker.  She wears bright jackets with large, sculpted collars.  She has orange shoes painted with Toulouse-Latrec graphics.  Her latest favorite is a handmade shawl that comes from the history of Korean gift wrapping.

So there's a fundamental problem here.  She COULD buy something to wear to the wedding that she could later wear to work.  That's probably what I'll do, just get another suit to add to the repertoire.  But something more unique, something she might wear to a gallery opening... that would be better.  I asked her last night, "If Barack and Michelle invited us to the White House, what would you wear?"  That's really about what we're aiming for, I think.

I could imagine something like this. Or maybe this.  But not that or that, and certainly not that!

I do know that she'll be wearing her carrots...  

It's surprising how something so small in the overall course of your life can cause so much stress in the short term.  In three months, nobody will care what either of us wore.  But it's hard to be convincing before the fact, and when there's a whole industry that depends on persuading you that their option is the only acceptable choice.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Music in our Lives

Nora has steadfastly refused to be involved in the planning of music for our wedding.  Not because she's not interested in music, but because I'm a zealot.

I was interested in music from as early as I can remember, though I was born at the wrong time, and in the wrong place, to have a lot of music around me that was very good.  I discovered the Beatles' best work five years after they had disbanded; Paul McCartney and Wings was my contemporary.  And because I was from a small midwestern city, I got the worst of what was around at the time.  I could have had Tower of Power, but got The Bee-Gees instead.  I could have had Zeppelin, but got Grand Funk Railroad.  I could have had Randy Newman, but got Barry Manilow.

But the oasis in this desert was provided by a low-powered radio station from Grand Rapids, WLAV.  Back in those early days of FM, there were lots of dinky stations that had real musical personalities.  They played what their DJs wanted to listen to.  And WLAV was the progressive rock station, so I got a steady stream of Yes, ELP, Genesis, Renaissance, Happy the Man, Camel... (MAN, I'm old...)  Bands who could really play, who weren't afraid of complexity, who had things to say that took more than four minutes.  Bands that didn't have one eye on the best-sellers list every time they went into the studio.  I LOVED that stuff.  Dense, complicated, and really, really talented.

My musical repertiore is much more varied than that now, but I still respond to music that's dense, complicated, and really, really talented.  And one of our friends, Dave Munyak, recommended a band from Burlington called Swing Noire that he'd heard at another event.  Dense and really talented, but also really engaging;  perfectly suited to a nightclub and not a concert hall.  You can hear some of their work here.  And you should.  They'll be the performers at our reception, and I can't wait.

I'm gonna be kind of occupied that evening, so I won't get to listen as closely as I'd like to their music.  But you can, and I hope you'll love it.  It's one of our gifts to all of you.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Me and Steve Buscemi

The past is a foreign country.  They do things differently there.  —Leslie Poles Hartley, 1953.
So once I got started trying to figure out the family history, I picked up a piece of family-tree software which comes with a six-month trial subscription to Ancestry.com .   I figured, you know, what the hell, it's cheap enough.  Well, it's been pretty useful.  But we'll get to that in a minute.

On Friday nights, NBC has a show called Who Do You Think You Are? in which celebrities of higher and lower order search through their family trees to see some interesting or dark secrets from their past.  Happened to see it tonight for the first time, and the actor Steve Buscemi was the featured family seeker.  (The show is sponsored in part by Ancestry.com, so there's THAT connection.)  It was fun to watch him find Civil War records showing that his great grandfather was a deserter from the Union army, but it was even more interesting watching him sit around a Brooklyn kitchen table with his mom and dad, explaining what he'd found.   What a completely working-class family!  Surrounded by "fancy," circa 1973.  I already liked him, but now he's my hero.  He's known for being somewhere between plain and homely, and has very disorderly teeth.  He discovered that his great grandfather, before going into the war, had been a dentist.  "I never imagined that there could have been a dentist in our family," he mused...

Anyway, back to my own family tree, which is pretty much full of squirrels and nuts.  Between Ancestry.com (and a lot of members who've done their own histories) and an extensive family project by one of my mother's distant relatives, I've been able to get back a ways.  On my mom's side, I can go back to my 9th Great Grandfather, William Averill, known as William of Ipswitch, arriving in America in 1630; on my dad's side, I can go back further than I expected, to my 4th Great Grandfather, Pleasant Childress, born in Virginia in June 1772.

And some of the names are fabulous.  I mean, Pleasant Childress!  (That should be me, right?)  He named his son Guilford Pleasant Childress, so he must have been happy enough about it. We think that hippie names like Willow and Moonglow are 60s inventions, but that used to be some normal stuff back in the day, along with some serious Old Testament references.  Here's a few:
  • Menton Lafayette Childress (Hey!  That's my dad!  Named after a town in France where my grandfather served in WWI.)
  • his mom, my grandma Maude
  • my third great grandmother (dad's side), Nicey Collins
  • my Mom's mother, Melba Nellie Farwell
  • my 2nd great grandmother Electa Gay (no, not Electra.  Electa.  Electa Gay.  And yes, as my friend Ryan says, sometimes the jokes just write themselves...)
  • my 3rd great grandfather Lot Mayo.  Who the heck would name their kid Lot??  First off, the original Lot tried to give up his virgin daughters to placate a mob at his door; he had to run for his life before the angels destroyed Sodom; then his wife got turned into a pillar of salt; and several years later, his daughters got him drunk on two consecutive nights and slept with him (older daughter on the first night, younger daughter on the second night) so that they wouldn't be barren.  That's a real Jerry Springer car wreck of a life, but somebody thought Lot would be a nice name for their newborn son.  Moonglow's starting to sound a lot better, isn't it?
  • my 6th great grandfather Ichabod Averill (and his wife, Bathseba Pain—how'd you like to grow up in THAT household?  With their nine kids Phebe, Ebenezer, Cyrus, Issac, Thomas, Josiah [or Isaiah, depending on the records], Luke, Moses, and... well, there are two independent records that show that Ichabod and Bathseba Averill had a daughter who they named That Averill.  She was the original That Girl!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Man, I crack myself up...)
And nobody knew how to spell their own names.  Every time the Census workers came to town, the families would spell everybody's name differently.  Bathseba's name was in some records Bathsheba, named for the woman seduced by King David (David, in the end, ordered her husband Uriah killed on a battlefield so David could marry Bathsheba.  Bad idea, as it turned out...).  My dad Menton was Minton in some records; my great grandmother Alice was sometimes Alose.  Nicey Collins was sometimes Nici, or in one particularly bad reading, Nini.  Elsie Mayo Fuller (whose middle name was from her mother's maiden name, Ellen Cordelia Mayo) was in some records Elsie May, which sounds like the daughter from the Beverly Hillbillies.  Elsie May, git in here from that see-ment pond!

Given our respective ages, Nora and I will only be responsible for naming cats and dogs, a fact for which history should be grateful on many counts.  As many of you know, she's already had one adventure in the naming regard, having named her Angora rabbit Bob, only to discover six years later that Bob was a girl.  Anyway, at present, we have two cats, Simon and Edward (when the census takers came, we spelled their names Thymon and Aadward, just to mess with future cat genealogists).  Nora's had the recently departed chocolate lab Argus of Blackamoor, named in part for Argos, the faithful dog of Odysseus.  Now, our Argus was a wonderful and heroic dog, but the original Argos had a pretty gruesome story, so that one's kind of like my grandpa Lot...

Prior to Argus, and before I knew her, Nora had a black lab whose full name was Dr. Leonard Timothy O'Sullivan McRuibinigh, known to all as Sullivan.  And back when she was a kid, she had a dog named Cricket (but not a cricket named Dog), and two parakeets, Valentine and SeƱor.  So the family tradition of oddball names clearly is going to continue.  Our next family members (whether dogs, cats, rabbits or otherwise) will likely be named Buscemi, Lemuel, Namuel, and Although.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Symbolism...

Herb and I are sitting together on the couch. It has been a difficult day at work, with colleagues as yet unnamed facing layoffs. Shell shocked, we told each other stories, and found ourselves needing to refocus. You know where that led us... So we began talking about the invitations. It is hard to say in a few words, all the things one wants to say, and in just the right way.

I had an idea that I wanted a tiny image on a simple card... lilies of the valley - a childhood memory from Fire Island where I spent my summers. They are long gone thanks to the deer that roam hungry, but with sweet peas and wild roses, they are the earliest flowers I remember. I went on-line of coure, to see what the meaning of different flowers are, and there are more stories.

Lily of the valley: "Return of happiness, purity of heart, sweetness, tears of the Virgin Mary, you've made my life complete, humility, happiness, love's good fortune. The legend of the lily of the valley is that it sprang from Eve's tears when she was kicked out of the Garden of Eden. It is also believed that this flower protects gardens from evil spirits. Also known as the flower of May." 

Interesting: return of happiness and Eve's tears.

And white lilies: "Purity, modesty, virginity, majesty, it's heavenly to be with you. The white lily is linked to Juno, the queen of the gods in Roman mythology, by the story that while nursing her son Hercules, some excess milk fell from the sky creating the group of stars we call the Milky Way, and lilies were created from what milk fell to the earth. "

And lavender: "Devotion, happiness, success, luck, distrust." - Huh? Devotion and distrust???

And geranium: "Stupidity, folly, comfort, gentility. Associated with the fourth wedding anniversary."  Hmmm, the fourth wedding anniversary?  Something to look forward to. (Herb read it first as the fourth wedding...) 

And jack-in-the-pulpit: "Associated with the seventh wedding anniversary."  Isn't that a carnivorous plant?

But the best, truly the best is hens and chickens (and no I didn't make this up): "Welcome home husband however drunk you are."

Ah well, all marriages aren't created equal.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wedding Rituals of the World, part 1

We haven't designed the ceremony yet, though we have many hazy ideas in mind.  But as we look at  weddings of our friends, and those we read about, we're finding elements that we are (and are not) considering for ourselves.

Here's one we like:  last summer, we were at our friends Neoma and Ben's wedding in northern California.  One of the parts of the ritual was a large clear vase surrounded by smaller glasses filled with colored sand.  During the ceremony, Ben, Neoma, Ben's mother and father, and Neoma's mother all poured some of the colored sand into the larger vase, to symbolize difference coming together in ways that can never be reversed.  The urn and colored sand also made its way to the reception, where we were all invited to add our own colors to their composition.  So much nice about that:  the idea that the whole community has their place in a marriage, the different colors still being distinct while remaining part of the composition, the continuation of part of the ceremony throughout the rest of the evening.  (In fact, that whole wedding was so wonderful that I proposed to Nora late that night—though I knew earlier that week that I would. And, although she accepted, she also made me propose again the next day when I wouldn't be under the dual intoxications of champagne and their wonderful wedding.)

Here's one we're not so hot about:  in traditional Japanese weddings, the bride wears a white shiromuku or long dress.  The white symbolizes not only virginal purity as in the West, but also the fact that white clothing can be dyed any color, so the bride is ready to receive the colors of the groom.  The accompanying hat, the tsunokakushi, covers the bride's horns (anger).  But the seemingly subservient bride has a secret: "In their bosoms, brides have a small sword (futokorogatana)." 

Umm... the bride is unstable and unformed and needs to take on the characteristics of her husband, but has some form of defense when he becomes overbearing? Not exactly the body of metaphors we want to claim.

So both Nora and I will come to the day unarmed and unhatted, each wearing our own colors and not relying on the identity of the other to change our own.  And we'll celebrate the ways in which all of you have already helped to make us who we are.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Oh, Yeah, the Diamond...

I realized that I left a bit of a cliffhanger.  Yes, I spent yesterday afternoon at the Gemological Appraisal Laboratory, having the diamond examined by a very pleasant and thorough young man, Travis Lejman.  I highly recommend him.

Anyway, some of our suppositions about the stone were confirmed.  It was cut sometime during the late 19th Century, polished and faceted by hand in the field (the angles of the top facets are now precisely equalized by computer-operated polishers, but this stone's eight main facets range anywhere from 30 degrees to 40 degrees from the top surface, so it's clear that the cutter wasn't using any kind of a jig).  It really IS a diamond, a fact of which we hadn't been entirely sure.  At one point, he put the stone into an optical scanner, a kind of 3-D external CAT scan that measures every dimension down to the micron and tenth of a degree, so I have an extraordinarily detailed diagram of every facet.  I have a map of the various inclusions, a color judgment, a carat weight, and a retail replacement value.  And I have a greatly enlarged photograph that a future jeweler or appraiser can use to verify that this stone matches the reporting.

I never did make it to Amsterdam Billiards yesterday afternoon, because I immediately came home and spent two hours writing about the lab experience and what we learned.  There's a project in my head having to do with family histories, the nature of diamonds, and how the past remains a mystery even when we think we know its facts.

Back to School

We made fun of our friends' advice from dinner on Thursday, but they really did have one idea that we liked.  We were asking them for recommendations on the gift registry issue, since (as I've written before) we're not 22 years old without a bath towel or coaster set between us.  Nora said, "What I really want is for people to do things that reflect who they are.  Someone who knits should knit something, and someone who's a fine weaver should give us something they've woven, and a painter should do a painting.  Those are the things we'll treasure, because they really represent who that person is."

And our friends looked at each other, and said, "Yes, and if you don't have any discernible talent at anything, you need to go out now and take a course in something.  No stick figures or clumpy clay ashtrays... learn how to make something nice!"

Anyway, we really do hope to see things from you that reflect your personality, or that reflect your relationship with us.  And I have to add that it's enormously awkward even talking about what we want other people to give us--our relationship isn't predicated on material exchange, and won't be judged that way either.  If someone arrives bearing nothing but themselves and their love for us, it will be a blessing.

And from Nora: Yes. What we value deeply is the friendship, support and love you have shown us. I continue to be amazed that Neoma and Ben are flying in from California, that a passle (How DO you spell that?) of friends are traveling from NYC and that Herb's brothers are coming from Michigan and Florida. Joanna and Bill are trying to change their reservations for a trip to France. Ellis and Joanna have staved off their world travels to Korea and Dubai and Russia to be with us. Our Boston friends have scheduled work commitments in Chile so that they can be in Vermont in June... AND our Vermont friends will hold us close. The gift we care most about is that you will be there to laugh and lift a toast to the future together.

Gifts? You are our gifts.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Extended Family

Herb and I have had an intense week, and we have been delinquent in posting to the site, but in fact, I have missed this odd form of communication. Today, we have new stories to post though...

Story 1:
As most of you know if you have been reading these posts, Herb and I took delivery of our wedding rings at the dentist's office on a blizzard-ing day when other patients had canceled for fear of driving. We were on our way to Boston....Yes, we ARE crazy in case you had any doubt. The dentist, his wife, the hygienist and tech were SO excited for us at the prospect of our rings, and so excited about the rings themselves, and so generous with their laughter and cheer, that H and I decided on the spot to invite our dentist and his wife (Blane and Cindi), the hygienist, her husband and child (Christie and Chad and Kyla) and the dental tech (Rachel and presumably her husband). They have cared for us, pushed other patients around so that we could have appointments on the same day before a Boston commute, and made us feel as though we know their families. So why not? They have become friends.


Story 2:
I called our good friends Linda and Ursula a few days ago from my cell phone, and there is no better storyteller than Linda. As we were chatting, she said that she and Urs had been thinking about doing a surprise shower for me but decided against it for fear of not having the people I would want there.  Of course, as with most of Linda's stories (and mine) there were twin threads entwined, and she also told me that she had been setting up Ursula's new computer, and looked forward to my expertise with some of the settings (Hah!). She had been talking with our techie at the local internet service provider...known to all people in Vermont as "PAM!"  As you can well imagine, many of us are in need of someone to solve the vagaries of the systems we use, and all of us in Vermont know "PAM!" She seems to answer about 85% of the calls for help for me and most of my friends. And when she doesn't, I leave a message and she calls me back.We have talked OFTEN and laughed and shaken our heads over some peculiar quirk, but that's right, I have never met "PAM!"


""PAM!" is SOOOOOOOO excited about your wedding" Linda said, that I wanted to invite her to the shower, Linda said.H and I looked at each other - she has bailed him out as well-- and said:  "PAM!"  She will be coming to the wedding.

Story 3:  (Do you know how this is going to end?)
I went to get my hair cut recently, and the young Japanese woman who has been doing it recently makes me laugh so hard that I think my hair cut is a reflection of that vibration. .... and yes, Yukimi will probably be coming to the wedding....

My friend Deborah said laughing  last night that she doesn't feel so special anymore, but I feel very special. H and I are surrounded by laughter and love these days, and this wedding has surprised me in the way those around us have been positively giddy about this celebration...

May laughter fill all our lives in these (as Mom would say) "toxic" times.. We love you all. This is not a wedding to cement business relationships or to accommodate estranged relatives. This is a wedding for family - those connected by blood, and those connected by a deep and abiding affection and laughter-- and yes, those connected by (you know how this is going to end!) an internet service provider.

A Wedding Day in New York

So Nora and I both had business to conduct yesterday in New York, with two different organizations -- nice that they were willing to modify their schedules so that we only had to make a single trip.  But today's a day off in the Big Apple (a phrase that marks me as a hopeless rube, I know), so we're doing two different versions of wedding planning.  I'm taking my family diamond to a lab for testing.  And... Estelle and Nora are going shopping for wedding dresses!!!  The traditional mother-daughter bonding event, as shown on every reality TV wedding show ever made.  And likely with similar amounts of sturm und drang.

First, they'll be off to a small dressmaker up in the 60s (there, does that help my NYC cred?), and then an appointment with Saks.  Yikes!  I'm staying as far away from that as possible.  After my trip to the lab, I'm going over to Amsterdam Billiards for the afternoon.  I stopped in for a beer after my haircut on Wednesday, and saw Darren Appleton (member of the European Mosconi Cup team and 2010 World Player of the Year), Tony Robles (house pro at Amsterdam, and touring professional player) and Jennifer Barretta (touring professional player, and the heir to the Jeannette Lee glamour girl position on the tour).  Pretty high company.

Last night at dinner, we had two friends giving us wedding advice.  Among which:
  • Nora's mom should walk Nora down the aisle
  • Nora's brother should walk Nora's mom down the aisle
  • There shouldn't be an aisle
Thanks, guys.

Speaking of weddings and Amsterdam Billiards, I've thought of another possible movie to act as our theme:  The Hustler.  You can choose to dress as the aging monarch (Jackie Gleason), the young upstart (Paul Newman), the damaged woman with the heart of gold (Janet Leigh), or the face of evil (George C. Scott).  Maybe I'll use the afternoon to shop for a pinky ring and a diamond stick pin.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Weddings as Evidence of Psychological Disorder

Nora and I both enjoy listening to NPR's radio show "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," which offers a series of quizzes about news events both profound and obscure.  It's funny and well-written, and I highly recommend it.

As Nora was driving last night, she was listening to a Wait Wait podcast, and called me so that I'd hear the following story.  It's part of a segment called "Bluff the Listener," in which the three panelists each describe a story from the week, and the caller has to decide which one was real and which were fakes.  And here's the story, as told by Roxanne Roberts of the Washington Post:
Trish Callahan describes herself as a romantic, despite being married three times, each for less than a year, and engaged twice more, all before she was 30 years old. When she accepted her sixth proposal last year, her dad put his foot down: she would go into counseling, or he wasn't paying for another wedding. Callahan's therapist quickly concluded she has "Bridal Affective Stimulus." She's only really happy when she's planning a wedding.

"She loves being a bride, doesn't care much about being a wife," Joseph Frye writes in the New England Journal of Medicine. "Callahan gets her highs from the romance of weddings, trying on an estimated 500 wedding dresses, signing up for 23 wedding registries, having 10 showers and hitting the big time last year with an appearance on TLC's 'Say Yes to the Dress'."

Frye believes the glut of bridal reality shows has increased the number of women seeking that nuptial buzz, although Callahan is, to date, his most extreme example. "She's always in love and always gives back the ring," he writes. After counseling, her last engagement was called off, but she's thriving as - you guessed it - a wedding planner. 
Even though this was one of the fake stories (the real one had to do with using cobra venom to get high), I think I might have Bridal Affective Stimulus.  Nora's call indicates a degree of concern; she's probably arranging an intervention while she's away this weekend.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

N&H, A Global Force in Entertainment

We're pretty provincial people.  Don't get out much.  So almost everyone on our wedding invitation list is from four or five areas of the US.  Middletown Springs.  Boston.  New York.  Tampa.  And some scatterings from Kenosha, Fort Collins, Eureka, and points between.  We do have invitees who live north, east, and west of the US—to be specific, in Canada, India, and Sweden.  (It costs 28 cents to mail a postcard in the US, and 98 cents to mail one internationally.  You learn things when you're planning a wedding.)

But thanks to the statistical section of Blogspot, we've had a bit of a surprise this morning.  The blog has had exactly 200 hits in the past week.  180 of those are from the United States.  But we've had international visitors as well:
  • 4 from India
  • 4 from Russia
  • 3 from Canada
  • 3 from China
  • 3 from The United Arab Emirates
  • 1 from Indonesia
  • 1 from Iran
  • 1 from South Africa
I think they were looking for the My Fair Wedding TV show website and hit us by mistake. 

But no matter.  Now we're on a quest to be viewed at least once in every nation on earth.  Followers in Germany and Sri Lanka, occasional viewers in Uruguay and New Zealand, accidental hits from Ghana and Cambodia and El Salvador.  Come on in!  (and use your MacBook — our viewers are 45% Macintosh... Maybe we'll get an Apple sponsorship...)

Monday, March 7, 2011

With these rings I thee wed...

Back in early January, we were having coffee in a friend's kitchen, talking about our wedding plans, and about shopping for jewelry, and about how Nora was wearing a $15,600 diamond-and-citrine ring around the jeweler for half an hour.  And their son, in his thirties, said, "This is Vermont.  Cut off some copper pipe, get some SuperGlue and a rock, and you're good to go."  We all had a great laugh over that, but it got me to thinking.  And so, for Nora's birthday in January (and with the help of my BAC friends Juan Guzman and Kevin Fitzpatrick), I made up a Vermonter's Wedding Set. 

Photos courtesy of Blane Nasveschuk
A $1.99 copper fitting, a dollar tube of glue, and a rock I found at a construction site.  Stick it all in a Tiffany box and, as Joey said, "you're good to go."

Well, although that made a fine birthday gift, it wasn't what we wanted to have for our wedding rings.  So now (after all the travails Nora hinted at yesterday), we have these.

Photo courtesy of Blane Nasveschuk
We're wearing them today, but then they'll be boxed up, not to be worn again until June 25th.  We had a nice "opening ceremony" with all of our friends in the dentist's office circled around us on the loveseat while we opened them.  "Will you marry me?" I asked as I put Nora's on her hand.  "Will you marry me?" Nora asked as she put mine on my hand.

Yes.  Yes we will.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Checklist, Take 2

It was exactly one month ago today that we did our first assessment of planning progress.  Let's check in again...

January
  • Finish engagement announcements to those who don’t already know
Done.  Save-the-dates are out, e-mail contact lists are built.
  • Set date and location
Saturday, June 25th.  Emmett and Kerstin's for the ceremony.  The Historical Society for the reception.
  • Develop invite list
Done, though we add one or two at a time.  If every single human we invited were to arrive, and brought all the kids they were eligible to bring, we'd be at 224.  As I noted yesterday, my current raffle guess is 146 in the end.
  • Write wedding budget
I feel kind of silly.  Back in November when Nora and I first started talking about this, she said, "I just want a potluck with friends and family."  Now we've hired the Cirque du Soliel and the Chinese Acrobats and the synchronized performing dogs, found an origami consulting team who will fold the napkins, hired the roadies for Van Halen to do the lighting, and bought a hothouse to raise the orchids.  Well, not quite, but it's somewhere between that kind of production and the original potluck. 
  • Choose wedding colors (for tables, flowers, etc.)
This one is back on the list!!  The bride may not be wearing white, but the tables will be.
  • Choose bridesmaid and best man
Still haven't done the ceremony, so don't yet know if this is necessary.

January's lookin' pretty good, innit?

February
  • Officiant for wedding
Done.  The inimitable Nelson Jaquay.
  • Host for reception
Aside from us, that is... There's some bizarre protocol about the best man giving the first toast prior to dinner.  But then, I discovered groom's cake yesterday, too, so there are no end to the bizarre protocols we could adopt. ("Groom's cake:"  pre-boxed slices of cake given only to the single women in attendance; if they put it under their pillow, they'll dream of the man they'll marry.  He'll probably be sticky and smell like smushed cake...  Who thinks this stuff up??)
  • Select and order wedding rings
Tomorrow!!!  Tomorrow!!!  Wedding rings in our possession tomorrow!!!
  • Create gift registries and so on
Nora suggested that we ask people to give of themselves—painters doing paintings, writers doing writing, etc.  But then we read about a couple who received a DVD of homemade porn from their best man and his partner, and we thought, "maybe we need to be more specific about this..."  So more specificity to come soon.
  • Create wedding invitations
Tentative plans in place for this.  The actual mailing won't be for another six weeks or so.
  • Think about hotel rooms or other lodging for out-of-town guests
The list is down the right edge of this blog.
  • Think about transportation to and from airports, train depots, and hotels for those guests
The Quartermaster has this under control.

So February's in pretty good shape too!  Amazing!

March
  • Arrange for wedding photographer.
Still combing the mental list here.
  • Think about music for the reception.
We have a musician in mind for the ceremony itself, though she doesn't know it yet.  I think she'll be pleased when she learns...  But we haven't gotten a handle on the reception. Peter Gabriel will be on a tour in London, I think, so he's out.  Pat Metheny seems to have some time between Korea and Germany around the date of the wedding, so maybe I'll call him. 
  • Design ceremony and vows.
We're reading some wonderful material that Nelson has loaned to us, and having fun ideas.  But we still don't even know if there'll be an aisle, much less who'll be walking down it and in what sequence.  Nobody's "giving the bride away;" she's in full possession of her own self.  So we'll have different metaphors for the day, which will lead to different ceremonial choices.

March isn't going too badly.  And we're already dipping into tasks for April (choosing flowers, reserving tents and chairs) and May (planning the rehearsal dinner).  I have a temporary and illusory sense of control.  Ahhhhh...

Rings, roadies and the American rural landscape

OK So it's my turn....
Herb is at the desk; I am at the kitchen table. It is raining outside and the snow is melting at a 48 degree temperature (I am starting to see a theme here - I am weather obsessed and focused on physical place....Hmmmm I wonder why!).

We were planning a solid work day yesterday, but instead fielded about a dozen phone calls about how to get the rings into our hands (as H said... not on them, but in them). So the gallery owner called and said they were in. We were at work all day Friday but thought we might drive to VT Friday night and to Portland (Maine) on Saturday to get them.  But clearly it made more sense to have them sent to us.... Most places you could call Fed Ex or the postal service. So I looked up Fed Ex (knowing that DHL and UPS don't deliver on Saturday in very rural Middletown Springs).  They would indeed do an overnight from Portland to MS but they won't insure the cost of the rings.  They're 99.44 reliable but there's just that chance... SO the postal service can do it right? Well, yes. They insure but they can't get it to us by Saturday before the post office closes at 11:30 in rural Middletown Springs. They can deliver on Sunday for a Monday delivery by dropping the rings off in a lock box at the post office. Then we can pick them up on Monday. But we have to be at the dentist's office on Monday (yes, both of us- intimate no?) and we have to leave by 7:30 a.m. and the post office may not be open when we have to leave. SO they can get them to us in Boston on Monday, but we are going to be in the dentist chair on Monday and may not get to work in time....So we can see them on Tuesday. Nope. Herb has to be in Baltimore and doesn't want to have to wait til Wednesday to see them, and I would get them before him... yadda yadda... So maybe we should drive to Maine right?  Road trip!  We googled the directions... OK so some of you who are more savvy already knew this but for the rest of us, that's a 5 plus hour trip in each direction and we just drove from Boston to Vermont on Friday and THAT took 5 hours, and we need to work... and an 11 hour trip in ONE day somehow leaves me a bit short on the enthusiasm. SO now it's Saturday... and Edie (gallery owner--we're on first name bases by now and she has given us her cell phone - a real mark if intimacy if you ask me!) has called the post office and  driven there and called and driven to UPS. And we thought again about driving. And about FedEx.

Bottom line? The rings are being delivered by postal service some time before 3 at yes, the dentist's office. Pretty romantic, eh? But then you haven't met our dentist!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Geek Alert!!

At some point, Nora will probably tell you the Rain Man story.  It gets funnier, and less flattering, every time she tells it.  But it's undeniable that I do kind of like numbers.

So as of 4:00 EST Saturday 3/5, we've heard back from 38.46% of those to whom we've sent cards, confirming their attendance or inability to attend.  (Don't worry, this wasn't a test; the cards didn't have an RSVP option.  It's just been fun to keep track.  Rain Man, remember...)

We put an informal note in the invitation list as to whether each invitee was a high, moderate, or low likelihood of being able to attend (mostly based on how far away each person lives).  We've heard back from 53.6% of the High group, 22.6% of the Moderate group, and 14.3% of the Unlikely group.

Of those who've confirmed they'll be able to attend, 69.23% are from away, and 30.77% are from the Middletown Springs area.

Do you know the "over/under" betting scheme for football games?  The bookie creates a number representing the presumed total points scored by both teams, and you can bet "over" (that the teams will score more) or "under" (that they'll score less).  Right now, my over/under on the wedding is 146.  I'll be taking your bets in the Comments section below — Over?  or Under?*

*Offer not available in states where internet gambling is regulated.  Total prize pool is less than $1.32; chance of winning is 50%.  Wedding attendance is counted at 10 minutes into the ceremony; late arrivals will not be added to the tally, and those fainting and carted away will not be subtracted.  If the bride faints, the contest will be declared null.  All bets must be received by June 1 to be eligible, so that any late forecast of thunderstorms, hail or tornadoes for the wedding day does not influence your position. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

Patrons of the Arts

This wedding is filled with new experiences.  We never imagined, for instance, that we would commission artworks like a modern extension of the Medici empire.  But as we reported back on February 15th, we've asked Andrew Nyce Designs to create two custom wedding rings for us.  We've seen some that are similar, but the whole point of these two rings are that the fusing and twisting of the metals turns out somewhat different every time.

Yesterday, we got the fateful call from Edie Armstrong, owner of Folia Gallery in Portland Maine.  Our rings are ready.  And now I'm petrified.  What if we aren't as excited by these as we were by the ones that we saw?  As Nora says, we're both committed to each other even if our hands were adorned with cigar bands... but still, I want these to be just right. 

I want my special day to be perfect!!! (snif... I sound like one of the brides-to-be on My Fair Wedding...)

So they'll be shipped to us shortly, and we'll probably have them in hand (HA!) by early next week.  One of the nice things about working in an architectural school is that I have access to a photo studio with good lighting and backgrounds, so I'll take pictures for the web next week.

And no, I won't wear mine until the wedding day.  I'm saving myself for marriage.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Weddings and Wedding Guests

Neither Nora nor I have children, so all kinds of issues don't come to the forefront of our attention until someone else raises them.  So let's make an official announcement here (which, to be honest, we HAD already decided, we just hadn't talked about it in public yet):
  • Your children are completely and wholly welcome at both the wedding and the reception.  Especially if they live with you... If you're 73 and you have four 50-year-old kids living out in Idaho, ask us first.
  • Spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, and other forms of partners are welcome.  Within limits.  One of my friends who I think will be coming to the wedding was propositioned out at a conference in Ogden, Utah to become someone's third wife... if you HAVE three wives, or six boyfriends, or whatever, you have to just choose one and call it a day.  Blame it on us.
  • If your elderly father lives with you and you're responsible for his care, he's welcome to come with you.
  • If you have extraordinarily well-behaved dogs, they're welcome as well.  But no purse dogs — we just don't like them, and it would spoil our special day...(Editor's comment: purse dogs are fine but they will have to go through a personality test before being admitted through the receiving line)
  • No firearms.  Or vuvuzelas.
Seriously, though, this will be a day for friends and family, and we want people around us to celebrate their own friends and families as well.  Both the wedding and the reception will be primarily outdoors (the ceremony itself on hilly terrain); the reception includes the use of the Historical Society next door, with mobility-accessible rest rooms.  We don't have any specific kids' events programmed, though we think the Espresso-and-Skittles Fountain will be especially popular with them.

When the REAL invitations arrive in your mailboxes next month, there'll be a way for you to let us know exactly who will be in your party.  (But for those of you who've responded to the save-the-date, thanks — we're starting to get a sense of scale, which is useful.)

Kids.  Partners.  Parents.  Dogs.  No vuvuzelas.  That's our idea of a great day.