Hi, everybody. I'm Ed, the cat. Simon is a cat too, but he's the other one. He's a pain sometimes; he hogs everything. But I like him. (Don't say that to anybody!)
So days and nights ago, Mom and Dad did this thing where they locked us in the middle room upstairs. It's like this tiny little room, like we were having a time-out because we did something bad. WHICH WE DID NOT! And then all these people came over, like the whole back yard full. And they put up this weird tent thing, but it was a stupid tent because it didn't have any sides, so like chipmunks and bugs could get in... but all these people sat around in chairs outside under this tent thing that wasn't a tent. When I get to go outside, I look for chipmunks, but nobody seemed to be doing that.
They were eating, though.
Everybody stayed until really late, and then they went away and we got out of the room. That was good, but then the next day, Mom told Dad to go away and then she had all these ladies over. They stayed outside too, but they didn't go under the tent thing. Then everybody left. They left us some food, so that was okay. Mom and Dad came back like really late, and they had a ton of presents, which they didn't open. That's stupid. When I get a present, I open it right away. Like, that's the POINT, right?
Then the next day, another ton of people came over and stayed around outside. Some of them were in the tent thing, and some of them weren't. Like, are you going to USE this thing, or just have it around? There were people there all day. The blinking lights on the stove started out at 943, and then went to 1259 and then back to 100 like they always do (I don't know why the stove can't count past 1259... like, it should say 1260, and then 1261, but it's like a dumb little child that can't count and always gets to a particular point and then has to start over at 100) and then back all the way up until 1049. That's a lot of numbers; I was tired. And then Mom and Dad did the dishes until the lights went up to 1259 and then back to 100 again (dumb stove) and all the way to 208.
And then they went to bed, but in the morning, more people came over and stayed some more. Dad took the trash away. I like when he does that, he always smells really cool when he comes home. And then they all went away, and Mom and Dad did more dishes. It was nice that all these people came over, because some of them rubbed my belly (YAY!) and the house smelled like pig. Mom and Dad never eat pig, so somebody else must have brought it. We didn't get any, but like I say, pig smelled kind of good too. Mom's breath smelled like pig for days. I'm like, what's up with THAT?! But I don't ask questions. To each her own, you know?
And then Mom and Dad were together for a lot of days. That was nice. They seemed really happy. And I was happy, because there was always somebody there to rub my belly (YAY!) and Dad didn't seem all whacked out like he does most of the time. He's a nice guy, but he gets distracted and forgets to pet me. But he petted me a lot for a lot of days. But then he had to go away again, for a lot of days and nights. But our friends Mo and Will came by. They're mice. We had a good time, talked for a while, played runaround. Mom seemed upset. Doesn't she WANT us to have our friends over? Jeez.
Then Mom put us in the car. I HATE the car! It's loud and bumpy and we have like even less space than in that little room upstairs, plus when you look out the window, it's like everyone is throwing things at the window really fast. BIG THINGS, like trees and other cars and stuff! But then we got to Dad's house, which is okay but like there's no chipmunks or anything, and Dad won't ever take us outside. And now Mom's gone. I don't understand why one or the other of them goes away all the time... they seem to like each other when they're together. And now Dad's on the computer thing like he always is, so even though I'm lying on the floor next to his chair, I might as well be in like Toledo for all the attention I'm getting. I mean, look at me! I'm lying on my back with all four paws in the air... irresistable, you'd think, but no, he's just going to sit there and type stuff. I want to throw a paper ball at him sometimes!
Anyway, I thought I should tell you some of what the rest of the family thinks about all this stuff. Sorry I went on for so long; cats don't Tweet (duh!).
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